I made it into the TaLK program. That the best news I feel like I've ever gotten. I'm so exhausted from school and the U.S. and life that I can't wait to take this year and sort of half vacation, half work my ass off in Korea for a year.
That's right, I'm going to Korea!...minor set backs aside. I thought that you could go after going to school for two years, but looks like to get an E-2 visa you have to have an associates degree. Luckily, I'm taking my last two classes this summer with three days to spare before the deadline to express mail my transcript and get my flight all set for Korea.
...it had better all fall into place...I've already booked my flight for Chicago on August first and I really wouldn't look forward to paying for my own plane ticket to Korea.
...but I'll do what I have to, they'll reimburse me!
I've been feeling rather love sick recently...as in missing it. Not that I'm not surrounded by love. I know that the family I'm living with loves me despite undoubtedly getting on one another's nerves (sorry!) and I know that my own family loves me from their three-hours-away distances, and even more people who I haven't even though of!...but I mean romantically. There's just times when I'm sitting alone and I feel like my time would be better spent curled up in someone else's arms reading a book aloud to one another, or just talking and laughing and enjoying company.
It's hard to get over yourself. It's hard to realize that there just isn't anyone around you that would be worth your time and effort and that you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. Go figure I'm notorious for allowing others to control the way I feel. One person tells me something I've done wrong or scolds me and I'm upset and depressed at the very least for the rest of the night. So, naturally when I don't have a man friend I feel unattractive and personality inept. Feeling like your boring sucks!
It'll be good to get away. I know that Korea isn't the kind of place where I'm going to meet a guy, after all, Korean's say there aren't gays in their country (chya right!) but I'll be close to Seoul (I hope. I'm in Gangwan so...I'll keep my fingers crossed) that hopefully there will be a big enough gay crowed that I can mingle well in. If not, I don't mind...I've been living around fag-haters since I've come out of the closet, what's another year on top of it :/. I'm sure it won't be a big deal.
Don't get me wrong, I'm at a happy place in my life, I just have to learn to see that. :) One of these days I'll be confident in myself enough to not let things bother me, but I'm not there yet. I'm not unapologetically me. In fact I STILL don't know exactly who I am or who I want to be...but I feel like I have all the time in the world. I'm in no rush.
