1st 1/2 of orientation: Korea so far

Lecture, lecture, lecture, lunch, lecture, lecture, lecture, dinner, lecture: as such the way some of my days have gone in this whirlwind of an adventure. We've only just begun, and yet I can tell it's going to be quite the winding road, full of pit falls, good times, and lots of 소주.

So far it's been a blast despite how drained I am after lecture after lecture. You just have to grin and bear it for the most part. The dorm rooms are lush but cramped, especially with mine and my roommates giant suitcases littering the space. O.o...so intense.

What's gone down so far? Well, aside from lectures and food, I've met some of the coolest, motley array of people I think I'll ever have the pleasure of meeting again. There are soooo many people worth mentioning, but I'll refrain to keep the creep level of this blog to a minimum. O.o

So, in lectures we've learned how to handle rambunctious kids, teach them through music, drama and magic, learned the need-to-know's for creating lesson plans and the norms of Korean culture. Though usually riveting, they got a little redundant to the point I was beginning to nod off. But do not fret my friends, I persevered.

I've been exploring 조치원 (Jochiwon) as much as I can in my free time with friends. We've gone to 노래방 (Karaoke) and to bars and just walked...a lot. Taxi's are remarkably easier to use than you'd think. As long as you speak slowly, they usually get it. Of course, I like to look up the Korean word for wherever I want to go before doing it. It's safer.

This past weekend I experienced the culturally diverse city of 서울 (Seoul). I say city, but I really only stayed near 합정역(Hapjeong) station where our hostel was. We explored a little bit, but I really cant remember the names of the other stations/streets we went to. But we didn't go too far lest we became directionally challenged.

My experience in 서울 was intense. While me and my friends were having dinner we got front row seats to a fight between four Korean business men who were out having a good time. One pushed the other, another broke a shot glass on his friends head and cut his hand, then some three-on-one action of kicking and punching another guy in a corner. Good times. What was best was when they would hug and be best friends in between these surges of excessive anger and violence. The entire time, blood is staining their white shirts and pristine ties and their scuffing their well shined shoes. I for one was devastated that one of the guys was ruining a fine pair of silver dress pants. Sad, sad day. :D

Aside from that horror-show, the city wasn't bad. Most people were very warm and welcoming to English speaking foreigners. Even if the Korean didn't speak hardly ANY English, as long as you said hello and thank you in Korean, they were game for the charades that ensued when asking for directions, where the bathroom was and what you wanted to order for lunch. I literally pantomimed peeing into a urinal to get some guy to understand what I meant. It works, so don't judge.

I really intend to learn Korean while I'm here. Not that charades aren't fun, it's just a little degrading and a little...umm...ridiculous...yeah, that's the word I want.

The hostel wasn't too bad. Rock hard beds, two bathrooms, 20 + people. What's not to love? Honestly, the place was really safe and I really enjoyed it. Here is a link to the website of the Hostel. It's really safe and the guys are really accommodating. Trust me, you'll like it if you go.

I went to a few clubs, learned a Korean dance move or two (and taught some Koreans a little bit of what Western dancing has to offer), ate a bunch and soon was on the train back home. Honestly, 조치원was a relief. It's so much easier to navigate with significantly fewer people.

So, here we are. I've packed and I'm all ready for English camp where I'll be working with a Korean student for 12 hours a day for 4 days. A lot of people I've talked to are being pretty negative about it, but I'm trying my best to stay positive. I just hope I get a responsive, sweet and adorable kids and not some rowdy little shit who wont at least try to communicate with me. Either way, I'll learn what I'm supposed to do.

It looks like, up to this point, I really enjoy Korea. I'm not sure how long that feeling will last. For now, I'll take it and run with it.

Good Morning Korea!

(Edit: Btw, I thought it may be pertinent to tell anyone that I've found my man-bag since my last blog! Phew!)

All of this build up and now it’s finally that time. I’m sitting here in my dorm in the University of Korea, looking out over the cityscape of the town I’m in (I won’t even try to butcher it’s name. I’m about an hour and forty-five minutes from Incheon airport, let’s just say) and it all seems pretty surreal. I’m actually in Korea.

To be honest it really isn’t that much different from the U.S. For some unexplainable reason I thought that it would be significantly different. My assumptions were proven incorrect. Honestly the largest difference is the fact that everything has Hangul written all over it.

...hmm...so I guess I’ll tell you about some things I’ve had to learn were a bit altered from their American counterparts. Namely, the dual elevators that only go to even numbers on the left, and odd numbers on the right. At the ground level I made the sour mistake of hoping aboard the odd numbered elevator. Regrettably my room is on the eighth floor so I had to take a trip back down, still carrying these monster bags in toe, and then through the other elevator and then back up. I didn’t realize I had to switch elevators till I was up on the seventh floor of the odd numbered elevator. Bother.

Then of course the shower that isn’t really a shower. In fact, the bathroom really isn’t a bathroom, it’s a shower room. The shower head isn’t blocked off or in a bathtub or anything. It’s just on the wall in the middle of the room. That’s fine by my standards, I don’t mind getting everything wet...except for my dry clothes that I carry in to change into once I’m done. I almost got them entirely soaked when I placed them in the far corner of the room and didn’t realize the water was slowly creeping up to it. Note to self: don’t leave anything on the floor of the bathroom, anywhere, while showering. It will get wet.

So I’ve experienced a minor amount of culture shock. Silly thing is I sort of new about these things already and am still interested at the fact that I’m still a bit shocked by it...that and I have to take my shoes off every time I enter my dorm. Not a biggie, but I keep forgetting! Sigh.

The flight itself ruled though. There were really nice Korean ladies that brought us awesome food. That was pretty much the best part of the flight, oh and the fact that the in flight media player ruled! I saw so many sweet movies that I’ve been wanting to see. They even had Imogen Heaps new album on it. Score. And they had these really awesome roll things with sweet meat in the middle. I was scrumptious.

Now all I need to do is get my time schedule set. Annoyingly so, my circadian clock is forcibly hardwired to Central Standard Time. I was wide away at 4:00am this morning (2:00pm in the U.S) and had the most horrible time trying to go back to bed...most likely from the air conditioner that isn’t working for some reason, being off and burning me to a lovely sweat all night long.

My roomie seems nice enough too. David from Chicago, Korean-American, what’s not to like? :) He says he can speak enough Korea to get by, but I don’t think he realizes that if he spends any time with me, I’ll be asking him to translate a lot. I hope he’s better than he says he is :P. First things first though, I’m going to see if he can read the Hangul on the thermostat. I’m burning up!

Alright, now I guess I should get in the shower and great ready for breakfast. Hamburgers and french-fries is what I’m told the people who already arrived have been having for breakfast. Man, Koreans know Americans so well.

...Today...

I just got done watching Inception. It was honestly, pretty much the most bad-ass movie I seen in a really, really long time. It was well written, well thought out, well acted and had some mind-fucking special effects.

Regrettably this is all trumped by the fact that I lost my man-bag.

Hmm. Where to begin. So the past few months I have felt really shitty. I’ve felt friendless, easily aggravated, taken advantage of and really generally depressed. I understand that for a majority of these symptoms, I might have been a large benefactor in their maturity. Despite understanding and acknowledging this, it does not dismiss the fact that they have been plaguing me for a while. Maybe plaguing is too intense of a word....sigh...

To be honest, I just don’t want to talk about it. It’s not something someone want’s to hear on a day to day basis. “Hey, how are you today?” “Oh fine, just really fuckin’ depressed! How ‘bout you?” That and I hardly doubt I have anyone in my near vicinity whom I could speak about it with who wouldn’t just over look it, tell me I need to “calm down” or worse, just ignore it and look at me with that trademark awkward eyes I already get so frequently.

There I go again, investing myself too much in the people around me. But there I go again, believing that I can. I’ve just been so fucking stupid lately! In fact, very recently this feeling has been building up to the point that I can’t even be civil around people. I jump to conclusions and of course, they are the worst ones. It’s just easier to assume the worst, then anything else that may happen is probably significantly more bearable.

Where is this coming from? Perhaps it’s my attempt to “reach out”. I don’t know. It’s really been festering until tonight. Tonight when I get to see this awesome movie with friends on what is supposed to be my last fun excursion before I fly to Korea for six-months to a year, both the furthest and the longest I’ll be away from home ever. Tonight when I lose my bag. Such as stupid, insignificant thing right?

Except it wasn’t insignificant. To be honest, it wasn’t the bag itself. Sorry, I know it was a gift from Japan, but there are more on the planet and I can just shell out the cash to see another one. In fact, most of what was inside also bears little sentimental value to me. Yes, there were four inhalers inside, two of which are prescription, that would serve me well in case my asthma flares while I’m, you know, in another country where I won’t be able to easily attain those items. Still, I can deal. I’ll figure out something.

What pisses me off is I lost the most sentimental items that I own period. I keep them all on my key-chain. It’s just a combination of bad luck. I don’t ever even keep my keys in my bag, usually they are pinned to my person. But today I decided to wear a pair of shorts that have a torn belt loop on the side that I wear them, so I put them in the bag. Great.

My brothers car key was on there, the one he totaled and got a bad concussion. My first car key was on it. I fucking loved that car. Sandra’s Jeep key was on it, not that sentimental but kind of irresponsible of me to loose the key to the car that the owner is so kindly letting me borrow. My really good friend Tabor gave me a charm that had her name on it. It’s from a German town named after her and I would have to go to that town to retrieve and replacement. My cousin’s string was tied to it, the one I had a bad falling out with and haven’t apologize yet. And of course, Chad’s wrestling medallion is on it, the one he told me never to lose and to return to him when I saw him next.

But I won’t see him. He’s fucking dead. Nor can I return his medallion to him, because I lost it in a fucking movie theater on a trip I hardly wanted to go on anyway. Now I’m pissed at myself for having been soon stupid as to leave it in the seat next to me when my friends weren’t satisfied with the seats I chose. I’m just so tired of being stupid, wrong and insignificant I could scream. But screaming isn’t going to help anything. Talking about it won’t help anything. And I still lost my dead friends final memento. God, I even surprise myself sometimes.

And of course in me being upset I’m sure I’ve been irrational. But you know what, I’m human. It comes with the title. I need to stop thinking it’s wrong to be so.

Sigh. I hate today. I need to sleep as soon as possible.

...now I know why I never listen to this CD...

...I'm at work...I should be working, but instead I thought, why not blog! I mean, we are capable of getting on the site so...they're asking for it :P.

I put in a CD to listen to and it's playing and now I understand why I never listen to it. The guy has such a horrible voice. His piano playing is really great, but his voice is SOOOO bad. It's just bad that I've personally worked with this person...O.o...

A little while ago I had a great conversation with my friend about music. It made me feel so much better. I've swithced my major a few times because of the instruction and the instructors, to psychology. I don't really want to do that...well not fully. I mean, if I don't do what I really want to do, then I could see myself really enjoying being a psychiatrist, but what I really love is art.

It's just so much more gratifying to me to do something artistic then anything else I've ever experienced. I hate to feel like I'm giving up on it just because I've had bad instructors and bad experiences with it. Talking to people who really love the things I love and who really want to see me do what I love and be happy makes me feel like I'm settling. I hate settling.

I'm glad I've got an entire year to figure out what I really want to do. I hope this year will help me decide if I want to just give up on my art or puruse it.

:) Not to change the subject abruptly, but I have a couple of new songs I'm attempting to learn on the piano. Moonlight Sonata in C# minor (I already know it in A minor) and Kiss the Rain (which really sounds as cheesy as the title :P). I'm so excited to improving my piano proficiency. I love the instrument. In Korea I'm going to get a nice electric piano and string guitar and learn them intently.

Speaking of Korea, I'm freaked about it. Although I'm sure it will bode fantastic blog material. So, in two and a half weeks, look out for this guys Korean blogs...I hope I'll have something worth talking about by then :/. :D

I'm feeling way better after forcing myself to...and having some really eye opening conversations will some really awesome people.

So, wish me a safe flight!

Steven

It's been a while.

Whew! I have to crack my knuckles and wipe the dust off of my keyboard before I can get into this.

I made it into the TaLK program. That the best news I feel like I've ever gotten. I'm so exhausted from school and the U.S. and life that I can't wait to take this year and sort of half vacation, half work my ass off in Korea for a year.

That's right, I'm going to Korea!...minor set backs aside. I thought that you could go after going to school for two years, but looks like to get an E-2 visa you have to have an associates degree. Luckily, I'm taking my last two classes this summer with three days to spare before the deadline to express mail my transcript and get my flight all set for Korea.

...it had better all fall into place...I've already booked my flight for Chicago on August first and I really wouldn't look forward to paying for my own plane ticket to Korea.

...but I'll do what I have to, they'll reimburse me!

I've been feeling rather love sick recently...as in missing it. Not that I'm not surrounded by love. I know that the family I'm living with loves me despite undoubtedly getting on one another's nerves (sorry!) and I know that my own family loves me from their three-hours-away distances, and even more people who I haven't even though of!...but I mean romantically. There's just times when I'm sitting alone and I feel like my time would be better spent curled up in someone else's arms reading a book aloud to one another, or just talking and laughing and enjoying company.

It's hard to get over yourself. It's hard to realize that there just isn't anyone around you that would be worth your time and effort and that you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. Go figure I'm notorious for allowing others to control the way I feel. One person tells me something I've done wrong or scolds me and I'm upset and depressed at the very least for the rest of the night. So, naturally when I don't have a man friend I feel unattractive and personality inept. Feeling like your boring sucks!

It'll be good to get away. I know that Korea isn't the kind of place where I'm going to meet a guy, after all, Korean's say there aren't gays in their country (chya right!) but I'll be close to Seoul (I hope. I'm in Gangwan so...I'll keep my fingers crossed) that hopefully there will be a big enough gay crowed that I can mingle well in. If not, I don't mind...I've been living around fag-haters since I've come out of the closet, what's another year on top of it :/. I'm sure it won't be a big deal.

Don't get me wrong, I'm at a happy place in my life, I just have to learn to see that. :) One of these days I'll be confident in myself enough to not let things bother me, but I'm not there yet. I'm not unapologetically me. In fact I STILL don't know exactly who I am or who I want to be...but I feel like I have all the time in the world. I'm in no rush.

The worst part of being human

Liking people is probably the worst part of being human. Having a sex drive sucks. At times I wish I could just crush my libido and never have sex again.

It's such a hassle that goes along with human romance. We have to try so hard to appear attractive to other people. So, we spend hours in the bathroom, making sure we're spic and span and ready to greet the human race with our sex drive in overdrive.

Then there is the actual awkwardness of getting to know someone. You have to keep looking like you want to fuck their brains out without coming on too strongly and scaring them away. Look, I just wish it were as easy as one another coming up to each other and saying, "Hey, let's fuck!" If that's what they have in mind, then just fucking say it right off the bat. Then I'd know what I was messing with.

And finally there's all that messy emotional bull-fuckin'-shit that goes along with dating. I enjoy being lovey dovey and cuddling as much as the next guy, but when it comes to that day when they've cheated on you, or you've finally let them see you without clothes on or they've really gotten to know who you really are or you've decided that you have to leave where you are in life, then you're flung into all of that metaphysical sticky goo of the break up. That's when hanging out is awkward, and having mutual friends is awkward and even regarding the person as a living, breathing, human being is awkward so you thinking, "Hey, let's just forget about it," and you do and it's all over.

Only it's not. It isn't ever over. You return again and again, hoping to fuck that really great guy who will be with you forever. Cause let's face it guys, we date to have sex. If we didn't have sex drives, we wouldn't need to date...we could just all be really great friends. Anyone who tries to deny this fact is obviously denying their promiscuity. If you think it's wrong, it doesn't make it any better if you're dating when you do it.

Maybe I'm bitter. Maybe I'm sick in tired of listening to people's bullshit, baby whiney, crying crap about how they really liked someone and they just can't get over it, or dating really is that great. I don't mean to sound like I hate people who have found someone really great for them and then they feel the need to proclaim it to the world. I don't hate you, I hate what you're doing. It doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy to see two people holding hands or kissing or telling each other that they mean the world to one another. Why? Cause I'm jealous. That's fucking why!

I have crushes too. I like people too. I like to have sex too. I'm a human being just like you are! So don't judge me if I call something what it is. I hate wanting to be with people. It hurts me because I know that no matter what it doesn't matter to the person I like...because quite usually they won't like me back.

I'm starting to ramble here. So, here's the last bit of my shpeal and I'll try to wrap this up. I'm tired of people not liking me. I do everything I'm supposed to. I play the stupid games that everyone plays. I don't want to see everyone around me happy and me just smiling pretending I'm happy for them when I'm not.

Michael C. Hall is so gorgeous.

I've been wanting to be really deep lately...

...ahhh I got nothing!

There's something very relieving in the end of school. I know it stereotypical of pretty much everyone who attends school but...I'm so glad it's over. I'm only sad that I've got classes on the 24...it's coming back so fast!

The TaLK office in Chicago sent all of our info (Carlie, Caitlin and I) to Seoul. We've decided that's a good omen. After all, if they didn't like us in Chicago, we don't think it would have sent our info off to Korea...so good stuff!

Video games and dead television serious are the primary element in my life these days. Living with Carlie and Caitlin...I thought I'd be hanging out with them more...I guess seeing each other all the time makes hanging out sort of droll so we don't actually see each other that often. It kind of makes me laugh how much I try to talk to them at home and how bored I can tell they are that I'm there! :P

Buuuut I'm taking a trip to Hutch this weekend which I hope will give us all a break. I miss some friends back home and I'm excited to see them...except that I said I'd hang out with Michael Friday but I'll be leaving then...I totally forgot! Haha! Oh well, he won't read this so no big deal.

I hope I've got a job lined up for me when I get back...but I've got first day of classes on Monday...:/ I'm not totally excited to be taking Algebra at 8:00 A.M. MTWTR but...what do you do. I need to graduate. That and I've got art appreciation online. Ew.

I've noticed this is the first blog I've made in a while...and how utterly pointless and fucking boring it is...man I need to get a life! :)

In the mean time...I'm going to go watch Six Feet Under. Michael C. Hall is so gorgeous.