Time

There's something interesting about time. The way we perceive it, yet we humans are the only ones capable of measuring it. No object or animal on the planet measures it. Over time you become reminiscent and more understanding of the fact that you must make every moment worth something, turn tomorrow into extravagance, or fail and live a bored and tired life. I was on facebook and made this post: "Growing older creates a new battle everyday. That battle to remember those times of glory and the urge to make new glorious memories. Sometimes its difficult to do the latter, when the former is so certain." Another year of my life is drawing to a close. Just last year I had landed in the states after spending a year in Korea. Whats interesting is that while I was in Korea I felt like my life was so important. I would blog constantly, sometimes misusing the internet to try to gain attention or hurt people. Over the past year I've blogged twice..I think. I guess my life has just become more mundane. Though I have a fervor for my life still. I've just found it more difficult to talk about. I spent six months in Wichita...it's the biggest city in Kansas, about 45 minutes from where I'm from, Hutchinson. I was attending Wichita State University, which was both very eye opening and a tad belittling. The school is pretty massive.

I know, not the biggest school you've ever seen...but I did get my associates degree from a rinky dink little community college where I could see every building if I just stood in the quad. Nevertheless, it was a bit of a change. While there I met some truly amazing people! For the first time in my life I was living in a city that actually had its own gay scene. It was fascinating. Though at times I felt that I was doing a sociological study on them, I found that we all had much in common and was capable of integrating myself into their group well enough. The most interesting part was finding that half of the people I knew were drag queens. It took me six months to learn and finally get the guts to dress myself up as a woman...that and dating a guy for a day who sold me his drag memorabilia...long story that's probably too personal to be putting on the interwebs so I'll just leave it at that. ...and at that Phara Moan was born.

...before you judge too harshly, keep in mind this was the first time EVER that I dressed up as a woman. I don't particularly like the wig, I think I'm going to get a darker color, but this is my drag alter ego...sort of. I don't really intend on lip syncing or going all out. To me I'd much rather appear as a real woman from time to time when I go to the gay club or a house party. I'm proud though. Proud that I can be who I want to be without caring about others opinions...especially in small town, conservative Kansas. I moved though. I'm out of Wichita and back in Hutchinson...and now I'm wondering why in heaven I ever thought to LEAVE! I'm going to be attending Sterling College, in Sterling KS. Closer to home so I can live there rent free and finish school.

To be honest, I just want to finish school and move back home, to Washington. It's been calling me back for some time now. It's getting to be that time when I hurry things along and my state proud. :) So, even as time passes I'll strive to make tomorrow worth something...and I'll try to blog more often should anyone care to read. Steven...and Phara, out. ^^