People are such interesting creatures. Interesting perhaps not in a true fascinating idea of them, but I’m mostly drawn to their ability to be unkind.
At this moment my lovely suite mate is bathing in the shower. It’s 12:30 and I’m feeling sleep Satan sneaking up on me. Unfortunately it is impossible for me to sleep. Why? Because whenever he showers he HAS to play music. Hold on, I said play, I mean BLAST. It’s grotesquely aggravating to the point that I have flashing images of myself, wielding scissors, cutting the chord to his speakers just so I can get a good nights sleep. However, that would be unkind of me, something I grasp and something he obviously does not.
My previous weekend was for a lack of better term wonderful. I spent 3 days with my boyfriend, something I’m grateful for, because we learned each other monumentally through hookah (and other assorted substances :D), sleeping together (like actually sleeping…don‘t let your minds wander too much) and obviously just living around each other.
I had a moment over the weekend, when I was alone in his room so we could take a break from each other, when I gained a certain appreciation for my existence. It’s cheesy hippy of me to say, but I felt a strong connection with the earth and the energy in it; with Brandon and other relations with my friends, that was very gratifying and refreshing. I’m in no way a religious person, but if I believed in any spirituality, I experienced it during that time.
Now, let me take a moment to rag on myself...
Everyone has flaws. There is no way I’m going to deny that I myself have many. I think that my most annoying flaw (or perhaps most annoying to myself) is that when I try to fix things that I’ve screwed up (I’d like to think this doesn’t happen frequently..huh…) that I can only succeed in making them worse.
In life, there will be people that I will hurt. There will be people who don’t like me. I’m not perfect and regrettably, these things are inevitable. I need to learn to accept that I can’t fix everything; to let people feel how they want to feel about me despite my previous actions or not. To live content in myself is the most satisfying way that I can live.
To end the weekend I wrote a song with Carlie. Music is the best top off to an eye opening three days. Now back to school…X_X.
I love you. I think you've really had a reflective couple of weeks. I'm so glad you're starting to realize that you can't actually fix everyone and make everyone happy. Don't let this turn you into a pessimist, my love. There is still so much love around you. Don't let the few bad examples distract you from the good ones.
ReplyDeleteI love you so so much.
TG