My Working Out Angst

When immediate gratification isn't met promptly for me, I get frustrated. I'm just that stereotypical kind of young person who has been so used to instant gratification that if I don't see it in most instances I get flustered.

Working out is such a tiring endeavor. What's more is that I've been doing it for one and half years roughly and I'm still not at my ideal physical appearance. Yes, I'm significantly fitter than I was before I began working out. Yes, I feel healthier than I did. What does it take to get where I want?

I've tried a lot of things. I feel like I'm at the gym for about 1/3 of my day, which is entirely ridiculous. Plus all of this lifting doesn't seem to read too much on my body. Though I'm increasing weight and doing more reps and concentrating on being slow and keeping good form, my body is still as flimsy appearing as ever. There is no definition. It's so disheartening and makes me want to give up soooo much.

That and when I'm tired during the day, going to the gym is the last thing I want to do...but I go. Even when I am dreading it as I'm driving, I suck it up and just do it, try to zone out as much as I can while I doing repetitive, ad nauseum workouts.

I just wish I didn't have to try. I wish I was one of those people who had a fantastic metabolism and never had to try to be skinny. I wish I was so gorgeous people would always double take.

My choir teacher told me once that once you get to be about 30 you gain a new understanding of yourself and you grow to appreciate yourself just how you are. I wish that I would get that now...or else wake up looking smokin' tomorrow.