A Loathing Ode to Spring

There's something serene about days like these. It's that sort of feeling where you know how the world works, how things will inevitably end that's both reasuring and terribly disheartening. It's the kind of day you wish you could freeze mid frame just so you don't have to get any older. The kind of day where you're content enough just to get by...though only just.

I wish I could cease from ever feeling like this. To me, I'd rather be oblivious to such things then deal with them. Though, I know there is some goodness to take away from having understanding. But I know of some people who just don't like dealing with things and I almost envy them.

I'm not entirely sure what to make of myself lately. Maybe it's lack of love life that gotten me down? Maybe stress from school? I'm sure it's a variety of factors sort of train wrecking together, but I try not to say anything. I think it's safer to just blog about it. No one reads this shit anyway.

I miss a lot of things. I wish they were the way that I remembered them. I wish life were easier. I wish I had money! I wish I was attractive! Oh the laments of Steven L. Rousey are sooo great :P. Perhaps the one thing I have to look forward to growing up is perhaps gaining an appreciation of myself precisely the way I am without feeling the need to change myself to feel happy.

It's spring. I'll blame it on spring. Everything around me coming to life and being happy just reminds me how unhappy I am. I need this semester to be over so I can relax and stop over thinking things. So that I can have time to breath and think and make music and smile.

On some lighter note all of my things have been sent into TaLK and now I'm just waiting on the go ahead to plan my life around a year in Korea. What a break that will be. There's something rather hopefull about living litterally on my own for a year. How liberating. I'm not sure how happy I'll be then, if at all. I guess we'll have to wait and see...:/