My Philosophy on Friendship...O.o

I can't stand that feeling when you know you've done something wrong and you feel helpless to fix it. Like...there's only so much you can say or do till it's really out of your power and up to the other person to forgive and let go.

I guess everyone needs time to sort things out. Me personally, I just have trouble gaging how long someone needs to get over something.

This intense feeling of embarrassment surges through me whenever I act the way I've always acted around that person and they are cold to it. I'm a fun, out-going, loud person generally most of the time, and so when I get the cold shoulder after trying to be that way I feel ridiculous for being that way and then feel like I'm doing something wrong.

Passive-aggressiveness is really what urkes me. If you want to be mad, that's fine. If you don't want to talk to me for a while, I understand and I'm totally willing to give you space. But there's something about beating around the bush, going behind my back, and just ignoring my attempts at an apology that doesn't seem right to me. Punish me if you need to, but not like that. Those things aren't ever okay, even if I've made you mad.

I took a test online (which says something for it's possible validity) recently that I think put my personality into perspective for me. Now, I know this thing isn't the be-all, end-all of my issues, but it's a good healthy dose of reality when you realize that you are somewhat selfish. I think I've had this talk before, but everyone's somewhat selfish. I want my friends to pay attention to me and to regard me highly. In a way that is rather selfish. I get offended easily because I don't like to appear weak. I HATE appearing weak, so that in a way is also selfish.

Appearing weak can come in many different ways. It doesn't mean just crying or opening up to your friends...but also being angry towards them. I hate it when it comes down to bitching out someone I care a lot about. But I have limitations, I have boundaries, and I have grains that ought to be rubbed the right way. Usually I feel I handle these well. I drop arguments that I don't need to have or I ignore when someone has hurt my feelings or disregarded me because they don't realize they did it. Despite my distaste for being the one to say it, I'll say the negative thing if I feel I'm the only one who will...and it will be politely...unless you're rude.

What I'm saying is, I'm not perfect. I wish I was. I wish all of my friends thought I was so amazing that they wanted to be around me all the time and thought I was funny and smart. But I'm not that guy. That doesn't keep me from trying to be as kind as I can be, and as long as you're my friend, I promise that I'll be a great friend. I'll do what I can to make things easier for you when I'm around and I don't need anything except your time, affection and attention...but there has to be mutual respect, it can't be one sided and ungrateful.

"Friendship is a single soul, dwelling within two bodies," - Aristotle. Who said the bodies had to get along :P. "Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel it's warmth," - Unknown. - Umm, pee on me?...I'm not sure what I'm getting at here anymore. I love you guys, my friends, despite our differences, no matter what. Let's just leave it at that :).