It's the way it sounds...

Music is a truly beautiful and inspiring facet of my life that I am irrevocably and unchangingly grateful to. It's something that sustains without needing anything in return. Just listening to it can send me to the depths of despair and back. It can lift me till my heart hurts and welling tears are the only answer to it's reverent call.

It keeps me tame.

I thank whoever invented music for my life. Without it I'd be a standing slab of meat. I just returned from a trip to Denver, CO from a choral convention called SWACDA (South Western American Choral Directors Association) and it was so musically refreshing. I got to meet Eric Whitacre! If you don't know who that is go become a better person and listen to some of his music online. It's an ear-gasm.

I got his signature too. I'm pretty stoked about it. I've been so musically inspired in the last five days that I just don't know what to do with myself. It's so uplifting.

And I appreciate my friends so much. Not only did I spend my time with some really great people (especially Autumn and Lindsay) and get to experience the fantastic nature of a big city with them, but I got to do it while submerged in a culture derived primarily from art and music. I was a glutinous music pig gorging with my ears. But I was so excited to come home and see my other friends too. It felt like it had been ages since I'd seen them. I missed them and had withdrawals! XD

On a slightly darker note my boyfriend broke up with me right when I got back...like within the hour so it kinda popped a hole in my overwhelming bubble.

I had a rather interesting and deep conversation with my music teacher about it in the car (before he broke up with me. But somehow I could sense something was up. He hadn't talked to me the entire Denver trip even though I specifically asked him to) and I found out that she was having similar issues with her man friend...only her's were far more complex, most likely derived from the fact that they have been dating significantly longer than I had been dating mine.

It's hard to find selfless people in the world. I can't even say that I myself am entirely selfless, but I think I can say that I put myself out there and I give what I can comfortably give. I've only met a few people in my life who fall into this rather arbitrary category. It's not a requirement. It's not something that everyone has to exude all the time, but some selflessness could do a lot of people some good.

What's a little phone call to say "I'm thinking about you."? What's two seconds out of your day to comment on something of mine on facebook? When will you let go, stop worrying, and just love someone and care about them too? It's not fair to retreat into yourself, retreat into work, or life, or your faults and use it as an excuse to metaphorically say "fuck you. I'm more preoccupied with me to think about you."

It's different that I experienced that. Maybe I don't regard myself enough, but I think I can usually handle stuff like that even though it hurts so much. It hurts me more to see other people have to experience that too. I see such great people, great friends, hurting like that and it makes me so angry! No one deserves to be forgotten...especially by their significant other. I'm sorry but I will not stand by and just let them take it!

...but saying that is so stupid cause I have to let them. In the end it's kind of like music. I can't describe it to anyone, they have to hear it for themselves. They have to willingly open their ears, their eyes, and just fucking get it. But you have to wonder...are you going to be the maestro of your own life? Or will you let it be conducted by the selfish malcontent?

Life isn't about the way it looks. It's about the way it sounds. If only I had half the ounce of patience to calm myself enough to stop, close my eyes and listen.