The end of the road...

http://hooked-on-candycanes.de​viantart.com/art/A-boy-2177912​24

I wrote a piece of work.

It's about my mom. It's about how angry I am at her. It's also a testament to my detestation of her. I will always despise her. Is this childish? Perhaps. She doesn't deserve me in so many ways. She couldn't be there when I needed her, as a child, and she thinks she can get her way back into my life now that I don't need her to take care of me? Fantastic.

It's not that I don't need a motherly figure in my life. That I'm fine with. I don't need her. Abandonment makes one resentful and I will resent her till the end of my days.

I went through a huge...refinement, of my friends. On facebook I had upwards of 800 friends and through many sweeps I removed a majority of them who I have never talked to or feel that nothing lasting is going to come to our relationship. So far I'm below half of what I have and I'm still sweeping my friends list and removing.

I even removed some friends of mine that are still technically my "friends" but that I just don't want to have anything to do with.

I understand that I'm vain. I want my friends to find me interesting. To invite me to things. To not view me as a last result. So, if after the 20th time of you ditching me, I'm going to have to do something about it. It's obvious you don't care about me okay.

I've also been having this estranged identity crisis that's plunged me into some of the strangest thinking I've ever had. I keep feeling displaced from my body...like watching it from afar. I almost had an attack while I was washing my dishes. My head was swirling around and I felt like I wasn't real.

I don't have panic disorder. That's silly. But everyone sometimes has episodes of panic. Luckily it wasn't to hard to control. I just stopped what I was doing and laid down to clear my head. But it was freaky.

I don't like my solitude.

But I don't have anyone to break it.

I'm trying to enjoy my time alone with myself but it's hard. Sometimes I do but 48 hours straight it hard. Just a hello on the street would be nice.

I'm such an extrovert!

Anyway, this identity crisis has led me to question my family and friends. I removed my step-family finally after I realized that they aren't my family and they abandoned me just like my mom. Sorry. You abandon me once and we're done. I don't want anything to do with you.

I also began to question my name. It was given to me by my mother. When the doctor asked her what she wanted to name me, she said, "What's your name?" So my name doesn't have any particular family meaning. I was supposed to be named William or Author but my mother is a stupid bitch, took drugs to prolong her pregnancy and had me when my family were forced to go back home, my father back to sea (he was in the navy).

There is nothing about my mother that redeems her.

However, speaking to a good friend of mine, Kevin told me that I can make my name worth something. I should take it and spite my mum with it. I guess that's what I'm on a quest to do.

Also, not that anyone really cares but I'm in the process of foreskin reconstruction. It's silly. I have to pull on my wang for an hour a day till my foreskin gets long enough that I can buy a device to attach to the end of my wiener so I don't have to pull on it anymore. There is this technique called t-taping but it involves using a ton of tape on my torso/leg which seems too much for me.

I just like the idea of regaining back something that was taken from me. It wasn't my will to get 50% of the flesh from my dick cut off and if I had had the choice I would n't have let anyone do it. Eh, I was a baby at the time, so it's not like I could stop anyone.

I think circumcision is cruel. It removes nerves that are important (why else would we have them!?). It removes a muscle at the tip of the foreskin that keeps it over the glans penis. It protects the glans penis from irritation and abrasions from pants. It removes a majority of the mucous membrane that keeps the glans penis moist and works as lubrication.

Don't give me bull-shit on hygiene. Back 100 years or more hygiene was a problem. We're in the age of white. Things are clean. If you can't teach your child how to clean their penis/foreskin then perhaps you should reconsider being a parent. If a child is properly instructed and forced to clean their penis then they won't get an infection. Who knows, if they do get an infection perhaps it will prompt them to clean it.

All's I'm saying is give the damn boy the chance to decide. I'd rather be 18 and decide if I want to get my foreskin removed then resent my parents at the age of 18 for not having one and wanting one...not to mention it could take anywhere from 2 to 5 years to regain my foreskin.

Gah!

I don't understand people who don't get intense about things. Haven't you ever stood for something you stagnant amoeba!?

^^ What a rant. Anyway, off to teach. This is my last week of full classes. Thanks God!